Easy case to crack

You know how when you say or do something really stupid, someone often asks you whether you’re smoking crack? Well, this guy really was…..and it was really, really stupid.

The “dumb druggie of the day” story comes to us from Buffalo, where police arrested a man last night after they caught him smoking crack near the Botanical Gardens.

But that’s not even the dumb part. Nope, cops couldn’t help but notice that Einstein was driving a pickup truck WITHOUT LICENSE PLATES! He now faces a drug charge and a traffic violation.

Have a heart!

So here’s something you don’t see too often in a police report. Someone stole a bunch of pacemakers from a car in Newfane. That’s right, pacemakers. The car’s owner told sheriff’s deputies they were among about $40,000 worth of medical supplies which were swiped.

Let’s face it, some medical supplies are hot items on the street. There are plenty of buyers for things like hypodermic needles, or any drug imaginable. But pacemakers?

Can’t you just see your neighborhood dealer selling them on the black market? “Yo, dude….get your grandma a ticker picker-upper”.

Tiger gives audience a whiff

He who smelled it, dealt it. The most searched-for clip on Google today is Tiger Woods breaking wind (not with his club) at the Buick Open. It would have been first on Youtube also but the PGA did not find it so funny, and threatened lawsuits if it wasn't removed. It's okay though; you can still find the best version on TMZ.com. It's really, really funny.

The nearby cameras picked up the butt thunder (it was super loud) and before you could say "what's that smell" it was all over the internet. The video shows Woods stop on the green, do the old dog leg shake trick, and then you hear the thunder roll. The muffle trick didn't work so well.

The best part of the whole thing was after he released his backdoor breeze, Tiger and his caddy started laughing about it. I guess no matter how famous or grown up someone is, a fart will always be something to giggle about. This totally cries out for smellivision.

F-Bombs Away!

Keep it PG. That’s what neighbors of a skate park in the City of Tonawanda are saying to swearing skateboarders.

The skate park is next to a children’s playground in Ives Pond Park. That means kids who aren’t even potty trained are hearing potty-mouthed skaters….and their parents are pretty ticked off about it.

One mom said she heard the F-word more than 30 times in one half hour, just from one kid. That’s once a minute! You’d expect that from a biker or a Seth Rogen movie role….but a kid? Even worse, she says when she went over and asked them to keep it clean, they told her to….well, let’s just say they used the same word.

So she called the cops, and the kids did dial it down after a visit from the police. Now the city is looking into whether the skate park can be moved further away from the playground, just to give them a better buffer.

In the meantime, we can only hope the skaters do a 180 on the language thing.

Snarky knocks ‘em out!

I realize skunks aren’t known for martial arts skills (unlike kangaroos) but I happen to be a big fan of kickboxing. Saturday night I got the chance to hang out at the “Downtown Throwdown” in Lockport, and I might have been a bigger hit than the fights. Even the fighters were my fans.

“GETTING A KICK OUT OF SNARKY”

I didn’t serve in the military (because of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell”) but I support our troops.

“SALUTE TO SNARKY”

I’m also a big hit with the ladies.

“BEAUTIES AND THE BEAST?”

I even got the red carpet treatment….with a twist.

“ROYAL FLUSH”

Lots of other folks wanted to have their pictures taken with me. I’ve put them on my facebook page if you want to check out Snarky’s night out.

Who checks the check-out person?

Wouldn’t you think places like Sam’s Club, which checks our receipts so carefully when we leave the store to make sure we haven’t stolen a year’s supply of toilet paper, would do a better job of checking on its own employees?

A cashier at the Sam’s Club in Niagara Falls has been arrested for dipping into the till. And she did a lot of dipping. According to the police, Ms. Sticky Fingers pocketed $3,500 in cash over six months…at the rate of $25 per shift.

But someone finally caught on, and she was caught. She’s now charged with grand larceny….and we are fairly confident she won’t be getting any “employee of the month” awards.

Bats, balls, & bozos

I have to admit, when I hear the word “rabies”, it does get my attention. But I’m not sure whether this story should focus on the potential for a case of rabies, or a real case of stupidity.

Some bozo at the Bisons game Tuesday was seen handling a bat. Yes, the kind that flies, not the kind used to hit a fly ball.

Why anyone would do that is beyond me….but then again, I do have some common sense. At any rate, the health department wants to find the idiot and anyone else who might have had contact with the bat so they can get rabies shots. That’s because the critter wasn’t caught and tested….so you have to assume it could be rabid. (I really don’t like that word)

In case you were at the game, the moron was sitting in section 116. The good news is, while the shots are painful they will prevent rabies. Unfortunately, there’s no vaccine for stupidity.