Hey Prez, butt out

We may not like our governor, but we don’t like outsiders meddling with our politics. Even if that outsider is the President of the United States.

That’s the result of a new Marist Poll. 62 percent of New York voters say it was wrong for President Obama to urge Governor Paterson not to run next year. But before Paterson does any cartwheels over that number, he should be aware the same poll found that 63% of voters agree with the president. And Paterson's approval rating is at an all-time low…only 17%. That’s about the same as the percentage of people who WEREN’T totally grossed out by Mackenzie Phillips’ incest claim.

So what can we conclude? We don’t like someone kicking our governor when he’s down. Unless that someone is us.

Well, they do call jail the joint

Just a thought….if your sentence is to just spend weekends in jail, you might want to avoid doing anything that will put you behind bars the rest of the week.

You know….things like TRYING TO SMUGGLE DRUGS INTO JAIL! As a result of that, a Chautauqua County man has gone from part-time to full-time prisoner.

Sheriff’s deputies say the guy had a condom stuffed with pot stuffed…..well, you can picture where he had it. Now I know it’s boring behind bars….but if you’re only there for a few days at a time, can’t you do without the weed?

We have a feeling he’ll be spending a lot more time there.

A politically incorrect post about a politician

So police say State Senator George Maziarz was the victim of a hit and run driver while driving his car in Niagara Falls.  Maziarz wasn't hurt....the other driver was arrested on several charges, including DWI.

Just wondering....disgruntled taxpayer?

For the birds

Call this one a “coo” for Customs agents at the Lewiston-Queenston Bridge. Forget drugs or weapons….they caught a pigeon smuggler!

Really. Pigeons. Agents say they became suspicious of the guy, who told them he was returning to the US from a visit to Hamilton. When they searched his luggage, they say they found three live pigeons wrapped in newspaper and hidden in his clothing.

According to Customs, Mr. Bird Brain is a US citizen who was born in Serbia. Apparently that fact is important. Do Serbians have a thing for birds? The guy told agents he collects pigeons as a hobby. Dude….try stamps or coins.

The pigeons were turned over to the Department of Agriculture, which will probably set them free so they can crap on our cars.

Double reverse

No charges. Then yes charges. Then no charges. Finally, a decision in the Leodis McKelvin lawn vandalism case that has held the WNY media hostage for a week.

The DA….showing some actual common sense….says no charges will be filed against the two 16-year-old idiots who spray painted McKelvin’s front lawn after his fumble helped the Bills lose to the Patriots last Monday night. McKelvin has managed to reverse his field a few times in this one….but in the end, decided he didn’t want the kids prosecuted.

The teens will do community service (and I still think they should cut McKelvin’s lawn and shovel his driveway for the next year).

Now can we forget about this and concentrate on the games?

Buh-bye!

In some ways, you gotta feel sorry for Governor Paterson. He inherits the office because of a horn-dog, he walks into a budget nightmare, and the state senate turns into a game of Pong.

Now, just to kick the man when he’s down, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS TELLING HIM TO HANG IT UP.

Yeah, that’s when you know things are really, really bad. The White House is pressuring Paterson to drop out of the race for next year’s election. Leaders of his own party in the state have already dropped not-so-subtle hints to Paterson. They’ve pointed out things like his incredibly low approval ratings, and of course their main concern…he’ll drag every other Democrat down with him.

So far, Paterson says he’s staying in the race. Stay tuned.

Oh and by the way, President Obama will be in Albany today. How’s that for timing? I can’t wait to see those photo ops.

No love for the luv guv

Two conclusions about Eliot Spitzer: First, he should keep it in his pants….or at least in his wife. Second, his chances of a political comeback are about as good as Dick Jauron’s chances of a career in standup comedy.

In a new Marist poll, 69% (how ironic is that number?) of registered voters in New York DO NOT want Spitzer to run for statewide office next year. He doesn’t do much better in his own party….62% of Democrats say stay away.

And how’s this for a kick in the ass? If Spitzer challenged Governor Paterson, Democrats would support Paterson by a two-to-one margin. And Paterson isn’t exactly the people’s choice….his approval ratings are down there with Jauron, and in a poll earlier this week, two-thirds of the Democrats said Paterson shouldn’t run next year either.

Now we should point out, in a recent interview Spitzer appeared to rule out the possibility of running for office again. But this is New York….anything is possible. And we may not like our politicians, but they’re never dull.

Blame Canada

You may think our government is a bunch of idiots (largely because it IS a bunch of idiots) but just when you think Washington has cornered the market on stupidity, along comes Canada.

It seems leaders of an Aboriginal reserve in Manitoba contacted the Canadian government asking for help, because they expect an outbreak of swine flu. They got help all right. Not a shipment of flu shots, not a visit by doctors….not even a box of brochures. Nope, Ottawa sent them a shipment of BODY BAGS!!!! Hmmm….is there something you aren’t telling us?

Needless to say, the Aboriginals are not too happy….and the Canadian Health Minister says she doesn’t blame them…..and she promises to find out how this happened. In the meantime, Molson's breaks at the health department are suspended.

McKelvin & the morons

I just had to chime in on this lawn vandalism case….because based on the news coverage it’s getting, it’s apparently one of the biggest crime stories in Western New York since the bike path killer.

Leodis McKelvin….who is showing far more common sense now than he did when he returned the kick….says he doesn’t want the kids arrested. But the DA says he’s gonna make that decision.

Look, when McKelvin fumbled Monday night I was as angry as anyone….and you don’t want to know some of the things I called him. But then I settled down, because that’s what Bills fans do. We just know that somehow they’re going to find a way to rip our heart out of our chest and stomp on it. So when I heard about the vandalism, I got angry again….because this went over the line. But then I found out it was a pair of 16 year old boys. I know what you’re going to say…they’re old enough to know better. But let’s face it, 16 year old boys are constantly horny and constantly stupid (and the first may have something to do with the second).

If the victim doesn’t want to press charges, the DA should go along with that. It was a prank. Yes, it was really stupid….but again, we’re talking teenagers. Aren’t there more important things for the DA’s office to worry about?

Make the kids apologize, and make them mow McKelvin’s law and shovel his driveway for the next year. Oh, and one more thing….Leodis, please don’t do that again.

No class

I’m thinking it makes it harder to expect kids to learn common sense when the adults around them do really idiotic things.

Today the former principal of Kenmore East High School pleaded guilty to stealing money from the school safe. She couldn’t deny it….surveillance cameras caught her red handed.

WHAT WAS SHE THINKING? Principals make how much a year? 100 grand? And she blows it by stealing a few hundred bucks?

The plea deal means no jail time….just a fine. Shouldn’t she also have to write “I will not steal” a thousand times on the blackboard?

A friend in need, a friend indeed, a friend in jail

I believe when a friend asks you for help, you help. That’s what friends are for. (OMG, I’m channeling Dionne Warwick)

But bringing drugs to someone in jail isn’t being a good friend…..it’s being an idiot. And it got a Lockport man arrested at the Erie County Holding Center.

Sheriff’s deputies say he tried to smuggle heroin to an inmate he was visiting. HELLO! IT’S A JAIL! THERE ARE GUARDS AND DEPUTIES WANDERING AROUND!

One of those deputies says he saw a packet of white powder when the dude was registering. Now the guy faces a pair of charges….and his friend may end up with a familiar cellmate.

Oh, the excitement!

Can you feel it? The electricity in the air? The excitement? The anticipation? It can only mean one thing. PRIMARY DAY!!!

Yeah, right. Have you ever voted in a primary? If you have, good for you….but you don’t have much company. No matter how big the race, a small percentage of the voters vote in primaries. People complain….we don’t like our elected officials, we don’t like the candidates….but let me do the soapbox thing for a minute. IF YOU DON’T VOTE, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN!

Case in point, Buffalo. The Democratic primary for mayor went from slam dunk for Mayor Brown to an actual race between him and Councilman Mickey Kearns. Nothing like a good scandal….or dirty politics, depending on which side you believe….to make things interesting. And since there’s no Republican candidate this year (that’s a whole other commentary some other time) if Brown wins, it’s over. If Kearns wins, there’s still a race in November because Brown is on two other party lines.

Despite all that….despite the stories, the accusations, the questions….how many people will vote? If voter turnout is 25%, which is high for a primary, less than 30,000 people could decide the next mayor of the city.

I won’t predict the results, but I will make these two predictions. Not enough people will vote, and people who didn’t will piss and moan about the guy who won.

The bride wore white, the guest a lovely pair of handcuffs

Time for some wedding etiquette reminders. Be on time, dress appropriately, don’t upstage the bride….and above all, DON’T GET ARRESTED AT THE RECEPTION!

Yep, it was a wild wedding in Niagara Falls over the weekend. Police arrested a guest after a little reception ruckus in the parking lot of the hotel. Police say the woman was creating a disturbance and tried to drive away, despite being plastered. Then, cops say she started swearing at them. That’s never a good idea. They arrested her for disorderly conduct.

But the lovely evening didn’t end there. Apparently she didn’t care for her accommodations at the jail. (Then again, who does?) However….police say she showed her displeasure by kicking the cell’s window, breaking the glass. That got her an additional charge of criminal mischief.

We’re also pretty sure she won’t be on the guest list for the anniversary parties.

A politically incorrect post about a senior citizen (very senior)

So today I saw that the oldest person in the world died at the age of 115. I’m reading the story, and according to her doctor, she probably died of a heart attack. BUT THEY’RE GOING TO DO AN AUTOPSY TO DETERMINE HOW SHE DIED.

Okay….let me save you some time. SHE DIED OF OLD AGE!!! She was 115 years old! Why bother with an autopsy? Do they think it was an overdose? Maybe foul play? Some nursing home hanky panky?

WHO CARES? She was 115!!!

Well, she did collect

I personally have nothing against people who work for those annoying collection agencies. It’s their job….it pays the bills. But when they pay those bills by stealing from the people they’re hounding….that’s really low.

State police say that’s just what a Newstead woman did. She’s accused of paying bills and buying things with checking account and credit card numbers she got at work. Police say there were at least 10 victims.

It’s bad enough you’re in debt, and you get all those hounding phone calls all the time. Then to have this happen….I mean, if you can’t trust the people threatening to repossess your car, who can you trust?

The woman is charged with identity theft and scheming to defraud…both felonies…which means she could end up in jail. I think a better sentence would be to have her get hounding phone calls 24 hours a day.

Sex in Canada: forget the rubber, eh?

I’m not usually interested in the sexual habits of Canadians….unless of course you’re talking about someone like Rachel McAdams or Elisha Cuthbert….but there’s a new study about what our neighbors to the north are doing beneath the sheets, and it’s kind of interesting.

Apparently condoms are about as popular in Canada as American beer. Many single, sexually active Canadians are skipping the raincoat because they think monogamy will protect them from STD’s. Yeah, that’s a good strategy. UNLESS YOUR PARTNER IS INFECTED! Or maybe your partner isn’t as monogamous as you. You might think you’re safe, but you’re sleeping with a cesspool of sexual diseases.

And you know the theory that people get smarter as they get older? Not in Canada….researchers found that condom use declined with age. (of course other things decline with age too….but that’s another story)

So get ready….in a few months, or maybe a year, we can report on the outbreak of STD’s sweeping Canada faster than a curling champion’s broom.

Till death do us part?

It’s a good thing she’s in jail, because a Buffalo woman would probably have a terrible time getting a date. Sleeping with her can be hazardous to your health…even kill you.

Here’s the deal. She’s serving time for killing her husband…and now she admits trying to have her estranged lover killed. Talk about a black widow.

She got 25 years to life for murdering her husband, who was shot and killed IN THEIR BED….but she still says she didn’t do it. Today she pleaded guilty to a conspiracy charge, and admitted that she did indeed try to make a deal with an undercover cop posing as a hitman. That got her six to 12 years....but since the sentences are running concurrently, and she’s appealing the murder conviction…..if she wins her appeal, she could be back on the street looking for a new man in her life.

In the meantime, I think we can expect a Lifetime Movie about this one.

High-caliber stupidity

Whenever there’s a debate about gun control, someone is bound to say “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.” Let me modify that a little. “Guns aren’t stupid. People are stupid.”

As a result, Niagara Falls police are now looking for a bunch of stolen guns, and the guys who stole them.

The owner told police three shotguns, three rifles, and some ammunition were stolen while he was away over the weekend. But apparently the thieves didn’t break in….they were invited. You see, the guy’s step-daughter told the cops she had a few “male friends” over, and left them alone from time to time. But she says they promised her they wouldn’t touch the guns.

Yeah, that’s a promise to believe….if you’re an idiot.

No bones about it

I don’t know about you, but when I hear “stolen body parts” I’m thinking about a really cheesy movie, or maybe some cult in Arkansas. I’m not expecting to hear about a funeral director from New York.

But one from Rochester is going to spend a year in prison for just that. Now before you think there’s some vampire connection, or something really sick and perverse, you should know the parts were harvested for medical use…but that’s no excuse. The bodies were going to be cremated…. but that’s no excuse either. THEY DIDN’T HAVE PERMISSION.

Look, if you trust a funeral home with your loved one, you should have some peace of mind….and know that he or she won’t be carved up like that slab of roast beef at your favorite Sunday brunch. Imagine the request for permission: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for your loss….can we borrow a bone?”

This guy did something wrong. You could say he was dead wrong.

Un-coordinated

Okay, nothing like a little “why did they wait until now?” action from the Buffalo Bills.

Pre-season is over, the regular season begins in 10 days….so of course today they fired Offensive Coordinator Turk Schonert. Quarterbacks Coach Alex Van Pelt will call the plays.

Let’s face it….watching the Bills’ offense has been about as exciting as watching Byron Brown debate himself….but why now? And why stop with Schonert? (Are you a little nervous, Dick Jauron?)

We can only hope this makes the Bills better….or at least interesting. It would be a shame if their punter was their best offensive weapon.

Hey…speaking of Brian Moorman….his show starts next week on Time Warner Cable, and SkunkPost is the sponsor. Check it out…he can kick AND be funny!

The crack of the bat?

When do you go from basic drug suspect to major-league scuzbag? How about when you use your THREE YEAR OLD SON!!!!

Buffalo police say that’s just what a father did when they approached him. Cops say the guy put three grams of crack cocaine in a catcher’s mitt, and gave it to his son. That takes balls.

Mr. “father of the year candidate” faces several drug charges. Hopefully the kid is too young for this to be one of those father-son memories that last a lifetime.

Pot is hot, the sequel

They are busting at the border. Hundreds of pounds of pot seized! Millions of dollars worth! Lots and lots of very disappointed people!

The other day we told you that US Customs agents made a 350-pound pot bust at the Peace Bridge. It turns out Canadian Customs agents at the Lewiston-Queenston Bridge are beaming about a bust of their own.

The Canadian border patrol says agents found about 150 pounds of pot….worth nearly 1.4 million dollars…hidden in duffel bags in the cab of a truck. Duffel bags! How original….I wonder if he had a Cheech and Chong sticker on the bags.

I know what you’re thinking….150 pounds is a lot of weed, but it’s a lot smaller than the Peace Bridge stash. True….but it’s still the largest pot bust EVER for Canadian agents at one of our local bridges. Way to go, dudes….you might get employee of the month for this one.

The driver faces a bunch of charges, including money laundering. (Did I mention agents also found $23,000 in cash?) So now there are a lot of bummed-out potheads in Canada. At least they still have good beer.

At least he's not teaching ethics

Imagine this job posting for a college professor. Wanted: experienced politician who lost his job in a sex scandal involving high-priced hookers. Must be willing to give students extra personal attention, especially the female ones.

Introducing the latest high-profile addition to higher education. Yep, Eliot Spitzer. Our former governor, who resigned in disgrace when his private kinkiness became public knowledge, has now joined the adjunct faculty at the City College of New York. And get this….HE’S TEACHING LAW!

Spitzer will teach a weekly three-hour course in law and public policy. Yeah, he’s the right guy for that one. Apparently Remorse 101 was already taken.

The former Love Guv will be paid the standard adjunct rate, $98.43 per hour. That’s at least a thousand dollars an hour less than he used to shell out.

Party at the Peace Bridge!

Okay, so the headline is a little misleading…..I really don’t think customs agents are going to be partying with the 353 POUNDS OF POT they found Monday. 353 pounds! Dude, I know there’s big bucks in bud, but don’t be greedy…a little discretion goes a long way.

The weed was in wood. (don’t you just love alliteration in drug stories?) Customs officials say a transport truck driver from Canada had packages of pot hidden in a shipment of firestarter wood. Apparently an agent became suspicious of the way the dude was acting (hmmm….hundreds of pounds of pot hidden in the truck….I can see where he might be acting a little nervous) so they X-rayed the truck and found the stash.

The dope driving the dope faces a bunch of charges. Agents say he was headed to Massachusetts….where plans for a Boston “T” party have now gone up in smoke.